“So, like, um, oh my gosh you guys! I can’t believe how I’ve changed and grown over the past three hundred years! *giggle*
I was SUCH a young country back then! LOL! Can you believe I was still Christian and family oriented?? Like, what was I THINKING?!
Of course that was BEFORE I went to college and majored in Feminist Border Rearrangement with an emphasis on Marxism, and, like, for reals guys, I am totes so much stronger than I was back then! Just look at me! I’m so liberated!
I cast aside all my old traditions and religions, and I feel SO much lighter! Well, not literally of course because I’m like, way fatter on average but you get what I mean!! LOL!
I can’t WAIT to see what I do in the next three hundred years!! I mean, I’ve already allowed puberty blockers in children and Islamic child brides on my shores so, really, it could be ANYTHING! I probably won’t even exist! Is that a hoot or what!?
Ok guys! Time for me to take my antidepressants, eat Instanoodles and watch Desperate Housewives until I cry myself to sleep! Oh! And I have so much gang violence in LA and Chicago to commit and that abortion at noon… I’m super swamped! Tata for now!”