Today we have a guest post by Serene. You can find her blog at https://simplyserene416.com
There’s something to be
In today’s society traditional femininity is often belittled, challenged, and shamed. I stand in resistance to this narrative, and instead celebrate and cherish my highly feminine nature. This process, however, is a journey I’ve taken against the stream.
As I grew, my aspiration was to fall in love forever with the man who was meant for me. I found myself deeply disappointed with the selection of young men around me. They were either “feminized” or had overly aggressive and arrogant attitudes. I dreamed of the kind of man I’d seen in my family’s old movie collection. Did he exist?
In my progressive upper-middle class community it was expected that a woman be tough and compete with men. I was supposed to aspire to the dual income power couple dynamic. If I had children, they were to spend the majority of their waking hours with a babysitter or daycare worker. All of this repulsed me. I believed in chivalry, and had this dream of growing the family’s food and learning to make clothes. I wanted a husband who was stronger, had more earning power, and would love and shelter me. Of course, I never expressed this aloud. Instead I felt lost, and wondered if my desires were somehow flawed.
In my mid-twenties, I finally met the love of my life. The moment I gazed at this Georgia-bred, tall, handsome, rugged, smart, practical, sweet, soft spoken, and strong man, I knew he had a special role in my life. When we first married he was just starting out of school, and I actually made more income teaching dance lessons part time than he in his full time employment.
I was quite miserable and felt neglected and overwhelmed. My husband was certainly not feeling good about himself either as his own desire to be the head of the house had yet to be met. Many aspects of our union suffered.
Eventually, he honed his skills and asked how I felt about staying home a lot more ,and I happily obliged. Traditional roles feel most natural to my husband and me, and changed our marriage for the better. There’s more order, romance and a greater appreciation for one another. While we love our “retro” life stlyle, others in passing haven’t always been so kind.
My friends were critical, telling me I could have a more upscale lifestyle if I’d abandon my role as a traditional wife. Didn’t I want a Mercedes?
Eventually, my husband and I moved away. For a short time we rented space in the house of a staunch feminist. While it was immediately evident that she was quite bitter and miserable, the space was great and it seemed a practical spot until we fully settled into our new locale.
After about one week, our new roommate stood before me, her arms crossed and a look of disgust upon her face, “You know he owns you, right?” I stood there, frozen for a moment before responding. ” My husband earns and I keep house, cook, and run all errands. We actually used to live differently and both of us despised that lifestyle, the one that was supposed to make me feel empowered!” She shook her head and said,
” You’re a 1950’s slave wife.”
I’m not sure why I was surprised. This was the same woman who had berated me for giving out Halloween treats to the neighbor’s children referring to them as “parasitic ingrates”.
Our roommate, who’d been divorced three times by 38, should probably have looked at her own situation before critiquing ours. Still, it saddened me then as it does today, that it’s become socially acceptable to put a woman down for being a traditional wife.
In spite of such attitudes, it seems traditional roles are slowly making a comeback. I know quite a few women like myself who either full fledged housewives, stay at home mothers, or like me, mostly housewives who make a bit of freelance money on the side.
That said, those who yield to our innate tendencies to serve our husbands are often met with angry resistance from those who buy into the feminist narrative. When did traditional roles become so scandalous? How could a man lovingly providing for his wife be likened to a slave master?
My husband takes great pride in his role, but even he has endured accusations that he’s keeping me down. He is politically outspoken and tends to call out both parties on his social media page. Many times when he’s called out progressive extremists, their reaction has been to stalk my social media and criticize our lifestyle and beliefs. I have been referred to as “dumb” “bimbo” and the old standby,” slave.” I’m confused by this as I’ve never felt more at peace, or less like a slave than I have as a housewife.
I believe the men’s anger is rooted in feelings of inadequacy. Either they’ve been denied the opportunity to settle into a traditional male role, or shamed out of it by the messages of a postmodernist society.
There also exists a group of men who’s good nature has been abused by ill- intentioned women. Instead of taking responsibility for their poor discernment in choosing a partner, healing, and moving forward, they bash all women and the men who love them.
I believe the women feel envious and neglected. Perhaps they had no example of a strong and loving man who leads the home and protects his wife, and have grown tired of feeling like a roommate instead of a cherished wife.
Many have a twisted logic when it comes to what those of us in this community call “trad life”. They picture a woman with no skills who cowers to a man who’s demanding and abusive. Traditional wives can and should have skills! Strong men with leadership qualities can be loving and supportive spouses!
Perhaps if men and women surrendered to our natural roles, our innate longing and need for each other, things would be different on a grander scale. When a man expects to be belittled and emasculated he resigns himself to finding a wife who does so.
When a woman expects a husband who will not lead, love, and provide, she too will unconsciously seek out such a mate. It can be different. Men and women could again be complimentary to one another rather than competitive; the harmony and flow of years past would once again be restored as nature intended.